Saturday, July 31, 2010

Why the feeling, particularly at this time, of wanting to come home?

Firstly, I think the reaction is instinctive.. It's to do with how I regard myself as a human being. I am a Catholic Englishwoman. I embraced this state when I was sixteen years old, independent of upbringing, just before Vatican II began, and have never regretted the decision, which was very definitely intellectual as well as spiritual. The transition from the low Church of England to Catholicism was essential when I realised that all the history books I had been fed up to the point of my 'conversion' had been written as if the Faith began with the Reformation! I very soon realised that pre-reformation Faith had effectively been blotted out. I have spent the rest of my life trying to reconnect the links. No Catholic Priest or nun ever thought they needed to put this to me. I think they must have known that I would work it out for myself. Anyway the result is that not only am I a pre-Vatican II catholic, I am a pre-Reformation Dowry of Mary Catholic!. This does not mean to say that I am a rabid Tridentinist or that I ignore or dispute Vatican II, properly interpreted, (and for that interpretation I look to the Holy Father). It does mean to say that as much as I know that the faith did not begin when Protestantism took grip of my country in the reign of Elizabeth I, so too it did not begin in the mid-19 sixties when Protestantism began to take hold within Holy Mother Church.

I hope this goes some way to explaining the emotional reasons for my wanting to be at home at the present time. Even if I could fulfil the wish, it would make not the slightest bit of diference to the present situation. But I hope you will not be surprised, nor condemn me for the desire.

My second reason for wanting to be there, is that although I read everything that is said on the Internet, it is almost impossible to know what to trust. If you were to believe Vatican Radio you would think that everything was hunky-dorey. One is left with the uncomfortable concern that they are going along with an anti-propaganda 'campaign'. Most importantly, by no means is one convinced that the Holy Father knows what is going on. The idea that he may not, fills me with dread. Deep inside me, I know that I could only really trust the impressions gained from actually being in the streets and 'tube' of London, and from going to Mass in various churches. That way I could get the feel of what is going on..

It is not to be. And so I pray the Rosary and a Novena every day before the Blessed Sacrament in the church of St. Romain for the intentions and safety of Pope Benedict XVI during his visit to England during September this year.

God bless all here,
In Christo pro Papa

No comments: